When’s the last time you and yours had a date night?
Not just a boring escape from the house/kids kind of date, but one where your body, mind, heart and spirit were all engaged and joyful. Maybe so much so that you were blushing, giggling or grabbing each other’s thighs under the table.
You know… the kind where you’re kind of amazed you can love someone so much. And maybe all that intimacy created electricity so that you couldn’t wait to ravish each other? 💋
Remember those? Just you and your beloved, focusing on nothing other than what is right in front of you and enjoying time together so much that all your stressors seem irrelevant?
But… I bet that’s not what your typical date night looks like, does it?
Most of the “date nights” that I hear about from my clients (before they start working with me, lol) look more like a meal at their favorite restaurant followed by a ~romantic viewing~ of the latest superhero movie.
You know what else I hear a lot?
“I’ll cook” followed by the hottest action flick on Netflix. Maybe if they’re feeling good, they’ll even do a little fondling during the movie, but more likely it’ll be cuddling vs sexy touching. 🙄
Now, don’t get me wrong, I know that having some downtime dates are good, but intimate dates are more of a necessity to a fulfilling, lasting relationship.
Want to know the difference between a downtime date and an intimate date?
It’s the connection between you and the level of romance.
For many couples, their dates involve them being physically present together, but they aren’t really paying attention to the togetherness other than how it serves their own needs. Each is so focused on unwinding from their day/life that they aren’t ready to connect with each other in a meaningful way.
On downtime dates, conversations will often be about unburdening yourself rather than sharing yourself with another.
Intimate dates require a focus on the other, not just self.
Obviously, we all need and deserve time to unwind and get our needs for downtime met, so I suggest that before intimate dates, each person carve out a couple of hours beforehand to get ready. This is about getting in the right headspace, not just attire.
Some people need a coffee, convo, run, leisurely bath, or some silly TV to allow them to get out of their own emotional world and ready to step into a shared experience with their partner. Don’t expect to have the same need as your partner, it doesn’t matter what y’all do, it just matters that each of you do what works for you.
If you don’t understand what I’m talking about- think back to when you were dating. Remember the best dates, and the worst. Think about what happened before those dates and you’ll likely realize that if you were racing from work to a date, you probably spent a good part of the date unraveling from your day before you could actually concentrate on connecting with each other.
So the most important piece of advice I can give you about Date nights is:
Be clear with your partner when planning a date night - clarify what your desires are. This way you’re on the same page and neither of you is disappointed.
Keep a calendar of date nights and designate those that are simply for downtime or intimacy. Start noticing what happens when you plan for romance or don’t have prep time… if you don’t like the balance of date types, make an effort to change it.
Your relationship is your responsibility- and that means you can make good things happen!
Cheers to your extraordinary love lasting!